This post was written by Kristen Varian, MA, doctoral intern, Park Center, Parkview Behavioral Health Institute.

I spent the last five years thousands of miles away from most of my family while attending graduate school and working toward my doctorate. Without an abundance of money or time to travel, my husband and I spent many breaks as just the two of us. Moving back to the Midwest to complete my doctoral internship at Park Center, I am again much closer to my family. This Thanksgiving was supposed to be my first gathering surrounded by loved ones in many years until the celebration got canceled due to COVID-19 restrictions. I was looking forward to the festivities, but it ended in a bit of disappointment.

Besides the limitations with holiday gatherings, many are also feeling immense financial stress this holiday season. With job losses and layoffs related to the pandemic, families are feeling the financial burden and strain. For this reason, it’s important to acknowledge your disappointment and share your feelings with those you love. Odds are, they feel the same way, and the shared experience can help everyone feel less alone.

In reading about change and altering routines for the holidays, I came across a poignant Haiku I wanted to share:

We isolate now

So, when we gather again

No one is missing

I felt this poem was meaningful and represents the real reason so many are choosing not to gather this year. We are protecting those who are most vulnerable so we can celebrate with them again in the future. While this is a valid concern, it still does not resolve some of the inner struggles many are currently facing.

On the other hand, this holiday season provides us all a chance to slow down and focus on what is most important in life. Some people may find relief in not cooking for a large group or hosting parties, while others deeply miss the social connection and feeling of the holiday spirit. No matter where you stand on this subject, it is vital that you know your needs and acknowledge them while making a plan for the holidays. Try a few of these helpful holiday suggestions.

For those looking for a more traditional holiday

Make the celebration as meaningful as possible with the individuals you can celebrate the season. Taking the extra steps to keep traditions alive, even if they require some accommodations, can help you cope with feelings of disappointment. Try a few of these traditions with a twist:

• Stay home and bake or decorate cookies and other holiday goodies.
• Do it yourself and make homemade gifts.
• Cook and enjoy a smaller celebratory meal.
• Attend a religious or celebratory service online.
• Safely light holiday scented candles.
• Watch your favorite holiday movies and shows.
• Decorate your living environment as you typically would for the holidays. Being in a visually pleasing environment can help your mood and improve levels of distress.
• Take the opportunity to try new holiday recipes without the stress of impressing many people.
• Engage with loved ones over the phone or video chat by sharing a meal, playing online games or even caroling.

For those looking forward to the slower holiday pace

Some individuals might find liberation in the unhurried pace of the current season. With this sigh of relief, it’s also important to remember the following:

• Try not to feel guilty about being relieved. We all deserve a moment of rest during this uncertain and challenging stage of life.
• Do what you feel is appropriate for you, whether you choose to order takeout for a celebration meal, don’t feel like decorating as you usually would, or decide not to celebrate at all and indulge in your self-care.
• Take time to slow down and focus on the real meaning of your holiday this year.

Remember, your feelings may not always appear in the form of relief or disappointment. You may experience an array of emotions that both agree and contradict each other. We all need to care for ourselves in a way that attends to both our feelings and needs. Try looking forward to the years to come when we can gather again and enjoy the in-person company of those important to us.